Mafia Gazette Past Issue 64
The Mafia Gazette Issue 64 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Saturday 10th December 'SEX, LIES, AND AUDIOTAPE ' By: Randle McMurphy A recent flurry of scandals has highlighted the increasing use of audiotape in surveillance operations by the Police, Private Detectives, and rival mobsters. Conversation after conversation is being broadcast across our streets, most leading to outrage and controversy, but all causing the victims embarrassment. In times where such sophisticated equipment is so freely available to the general public, a mobster must be much more discerning about what they say, and where they say it. This is leading to entire new code languages being developed between Mafiosi, in ever changing efforts to outsmart the feds. Example: “I’ve come for the protection money” becomes “I’ve come for the paperwork we need” “I’ve got someone I need you to whack” becomes “I’ve got a plumbing problem, gonna be some wet work for you” One source at the FBI has stated that whilst fairly easy to understand, this new “Mob speak” as it is know, is making convictions more and more difficult. Our source states: “If you’ve got a guy talking about whacking someone, the jury don’t think twice. Now you’ve got a guy talking about his plumbing, it confuses the hell outta them, how are we supposed to convict on that?” With more and more Mafiosi adopting this style of speech, there are entire dictionaries being devoted to it, compiled by the mob themselves, for easier internal communication, and by feds hot on the trail of the same gangsters, trying desperately to second guess the new terminology. As soon as a copy of this dictionary becomes available, The Gazette shall bring it to you, (for educational purposes only). To be continued… 'WE NEED YOUR HELP! ' By: Rosalie With the holiday season here, extremely large sums of money are being exchanged for gifts and foodstuffs. Huge numbers of people are trotting up and down the streets of every street in the country, each with their own agenda and plan, but will any of those people travel with their eyes wide open? While shopping at Macy’s or Gimbel’s will anyone manage to spot those small ones in ragged clothing with their noses pressed against the glass watching the toy display? Many of us came straight from the old country. When I speak of the old country it could be referring to Sicily, Italy, England, or any other country in the world. The usual reason for coming to America is to better our lives and be able to take care of our families both here and back in the old country. With our lives better, it should be quite clear that not everyone has been able to be successful in bettering their lives for whatever reason. With that in mind, there is something that should be considered and acted upon. That something is charity and generosity. Travel around your neighborhood, even go back to your old neighborhood and study all the different situations. After the crash on Wall Street, many families have found extremely difficult times. By examining all of the people sitting on the stoops or the children in the streets, it should be evident that assistance from those who have found success is desperately needed. The ladies of a special family have decided to help those who require assistance the most. Currently, our offices have been set up in the basement of the Pequat Orphanage. We spend time collecting items of value to auction, work to create crafts to be sold, and make special deals with various stores to gain merchandise at an exceptionally low price or free. During a variety of times throughout the year, we also hold dances, dinners, and shows to entertain and raise funds. With the cash collected, we help people so that they maintain their home, feed their families, and, clothe their families in addition to special items and food for various holidays. We have now found that the number of needy has grown to the point that our few workers are unable to assist them all. Your help is essential if we are to continue with our work. If there are folks willing to work in the office, deal with the different stores and companies, or collect items and run events, we ask that they either call us or stop by the office to express your interest. Anyone willing to donate fund, items, or pledge regular deposits are requested to call, stop by, or mail them to the office. The ladies and I wish to thank you for taking the time to read about our work and dilemma along with a wonderful, joyous holiday season. 'TODAY IN SCIENCE ' With Connie_Corleone PROTECTION EXTENDED NEARLY EXTINCT TEDDY BEARS Koalas, known colloquially in Australia as “native bears,” real, live teddy bears in soft, plushlike fur, have lately become the objects of special solicitude, both official and private, in the far island-continent that is their home. For several generations nobody paid any more attention to them than Americans pay to squirrels, for they were so numerous that it never occurred to Australians that they could ever become scarce. But a highly fatal epidemic got started among them some years ago, killing them by the thousands. Hunters also shot great numbers for their fur. So before it was fairly realized, Australia’s live teddy bears were dangerously close to the extinction line. Official action, though dangerously delayed, has been vigorous, and may avail to save the survivors. Shooting koalas is now forbidden, though as with most such sweeping prohibitions, there are not sufficient means for securing really complete enforcement. Even more promising is the setting aside of well-supervised sanctuary areas, where not only these attractive marsupials but also other interesting but threatened native animals and plants can have a chance for their lives. One such area is Koala Park, near Sydney. This is managed by Noel Burnet, who supplied the appealing koala portrait that appears on the front cover of this issue of the Science News Letter. FAINT NEBULAE MAY BE MOST DISTANT OBJECTS A group of faint nebulae, just visible through the large reflecting telescope of the Bergedorf Observatory, Hamburg, has been discovered by Dr. Walter Baade. He believes them to be considerably more distant than another group of faint nebulae, like those in the constellation of Ursa Major, the great bear, which he discovered several years ago. These have been shown, by astronomers at the Mt. Wilson Observatory, to be about 70 million light-years distant. Only one more distant group of objects has been measured—some nebulae in the constellation of Leo, the lion—which appears to be about 105 million light-years away. If the Ursa Major group is more than this, it will be the most distant object known to astronomers. The newly discovered nebulae are within a distance of about half a degree, the diameter of the moon, of the star Merak, the pointer farthest from the pole star, at the corner of the great dipper diagonally opposite the handle. BALL LIGHTNING, OLD PUZZLE TO SCIENCE, MADE OUT OF SMOKE Ghostly lump of the ball lightning that has till now baffled the efforts of scientists to understand it, has been made in the laboratory of Leeds University in England by Drs. W. Cawood and H.S. Patterson. Or at least something very like it has been made. The artificial thunderbolt was a glowing red ball, 8 inches in diameter. It appeared while the experimenters were passing an electrostatic “brush” discharge through a smoke cloud. Electrically charged particles, of opposite sign to the other particles of the smoke, formed the ball. It was kept suspended in the center of their 100-cubic-foot glass chamber, the experimenters believe, by the electrical repulsion of the inside walls. Globular or ball lightning is one of the rarest and most puzzling of natural phenomena. Entering a home by the window or down the chimney, this dazzling red, blue, or white round or pear-shaped ball floats in the air or runs along the floor. The lightning ball may crackle or hiss, but it seldom does any harm. Sometimes it is observed dropping like a stone from a thunder cloud along the path of previous ordinary lightning flashes. Dr. W.J. Humphreys of the U.S. Weather Bureau recently issued an appeal for detailed descriptions of the phenomenon from all persons who have observed it. That the artificial lightning ball was movable and electrically charged was shown by Drs. Cawood and Patterson when they inserted an electrified wire into the vessel. Chains of the smoke particles formed the ball, it was shown under the microscope. Evaporation of various substances into the space was the method of forming the smokes or “aerosols,” one with the formidable name of “para-xylene-azo-beta-napthol” being found most suitable. 'TOMSK INVESTIGATES ' Welcome to the newly devised ‘Tomsk investigates’. Now, this maybe a short lived article, depending on the good editors discretion, but this week, I’ve decided to look at the budding writers/satirists/philosophers within our community. Now, having researched my subject matter, a few things immediately sprang to mind. Now, don’t get me wrong, the streets and the posters therein come in many shapes and guises. However, what has started to become apparent is the amount of duplication on subjects. Ok, so this month’s topic of apparent rage is the life of the citizen. I genuinely don’t give a monkey’s banana where you stand on the topic, but please, people, we DO NOT need 1500 posters talking about it. I realise you want to use the streets as a step forward in rank, but please, bear this in mind. You can LOSE credibility, and therefore promotion by posting this repetitive crap. Right, let me try to give an example:- XXXXX writes a poster about citizens and how they should/shouldn’t be allowed on our streets. Discussion ensues. This is good! This is a community debate, and one that deserves to be around to be debated. However, when XXXX and XXXX write exactly the same argument, with no research or plausible evidence to support their words other than what has been written before, then this, I’m afraid becomes not just plagiarism, but disproportionate and impartial. My conclusion? Quite simply, find a subject of your own, research it, ask questions if you have to. But please, PLEASE stop this duplication for what you consider to be free promotion. Trust me, it doesn’t work like that! Your womble on the job Tomsk. 'YES, GODFATHER, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS. ' By: Connie_Corleone As previously reported, with the yuletide upon us, I decided to research and share information concerning our favourite holiday guest, Santa. American origins Thomas Nast immortalized Santa Claus with an illustration for the January 3, 1863, issue of Harper's Weekly. In the British colonies of North America and later the United States, British and Dutch versions of the gift-giver merged further. For example, in Washington Irving's History of New York, Sinterklaas was Americanized into "Santa Claus" but lost his bishop's apparel, and was at first pictured as a thick-bellied Dutch sailor with a pipe in a green winter coat. Irving's book was a lampoon of the Dutch culture of New York, and much of this portrait is his joking invention. Modern ideas of Santa Claus seemingly became canon after the publication of the poem "A Visit From St. Nicholas" (better known today as "The Night Before Christmas") in the Troy, New York, Sentinel on December 23, 1823. The poem is ascribed to Clement Clarke Moore, although there is some question as to his authorship. In this poem Santa is established as a heavyset individual with eight reindeer (who are named for the first time). Santa Claus later appeared in various coloured costumes as he gradually became amalgamated with the figure of Father Christmas, but red soon became popular after he appeared wearing such on an 1885 Christmas card. Still, one of the first artists to capture Santa Claus' image, as we know him today was Thomas Nast, an American cartoonist of the 19th century. In 1863, a picture of Santa illustrated by Nast appeared in Harper's Weekly (it is believed the inspiration for his image came from the Pelznickle). Another popularization came in 1902 in The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus by L. Frank Baum, author of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Specially designed Christmas labels featuring Santa Claus give a seasonal twist to these Coca-Cola bottles. Images of Santa Claus were further cemented through Haddon Sundblom's depiction of him for The Coca-Cola Company's Christmas advertising. The popularity of the image spawned urban legends that Santa Claus was in fact invented by Coca-Cola. Nevertheless, Santa Claus and Coca-Cola have been closely associated. The image of Santa Claus as a benevolent character became reinforced with its association with charity and philanthropy, particularly organizations such as the Salvation Army. Volunteers dressed, as Santa Claus typically became part of fundraising drives to aid needy families at Christmas time. Some suspect that the depiction of Santa at the North Pole reflected popular opinion about industry at the time. In some images of the early 20th century, Santa was depicted as personally making his toys by hand in a small workshop like a craftsman. ￼A man dressed up as Santa Claus fundraising for Volunteers of America on the sidewalk of street in Chicago, Illinois, in 1902. He is wearing a mask with a beard attached. DN-0001069, Chicago Daily News negatives collection, Chicago Historical Society. Eventually, the idea emerged that he had numerous elves responsible for making the toys, but the toys were still handmade by each individual elf working in the traditional manner. By the end of the century, the reality of mass mechanized production became more fully accepted by the Western public. That shift was reflected in the modern depiction of Santa's residence—now often humorously portrayed as a fully mechanized production facility, equipped with the latest manufacturing technology, and overseen by the elves with Santa and Mrs. Claus as managers Nissenbaum, chap. 2; Belk, 87-100. Many television commercials depict this as a sort of humorous business, with Santa's elves acting as a sometimes mischievously disgruntled workforce, cracking jokes and pulling pranks on their boss. Santa Claus continues to inspire writers and artists, to write or compose about the early ideas of Santa include Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the ninth reindeer immortalized in a Gene Autry song, written by a Montgomery Ward copywriter. Adding even more to the legend, a current popular comic book series Jingle Belle by writer/cartoonist Paul Dini depicts Santa Claus as a harried father with a rebellious half-human, half-elf teenage daughter. Other possible origins American mycologist Jonathan Ott suggests that many of the modern features attributed to Santa Claus may somehow be derived from those of the Kamchatkan or Siberian shaman. Apparently, during the midwinter festival (holiday season) in Siberia (near the north pole), the shaman would enter a yurt (home) through the shangrak (chimney), bringing with him a sack of fly agric mushrooms (presents) to give to the inhabitants. This type of mushroom is brightly coloured red and white, like Santa Claus, though the relevance of this is questionable as the standardized red and white Santa dates from no earlier than 1920. The mushrooms were often hung (to dry) in front of the fireplace, much like the stockings of modern-day Christmas. Furthermore, the mushrooms were associated with reindeer that were known to eat them and become intoxicated. Reindeer are also associated with the shaman, and like Santa Claus, many people believed that the shaman could fly. Several rituals have developed around the Santa Claus figure that are normally performed by children hoping to receive gifts from him. Christmas Eve rituals In the United States, the tradition is to leave Santa a glass of milk and cookies; in Britain, he is given sherry and mince pies instead. British and American children also leave out a carrot for Santa's reindeer, and were traditionally told that if they are not good all year round, that they will receive a lump of coal in their stockings, although this practice is now considered archaic. Children following the Dutch custom for sinterklaas will "put out their shoe" — that is, leave hay and a carrot for his horse in a shoe before going to bed — sometimes weeks before the sinterklaas avond. The next morning they will find the hay and carrot replaced by a gift; often, this is a marzipan figurine. Naughty children were once told that they would be left a roe (a bundle of sticks) instead of sweets, but this practice has been discontinued. Letter writing Writing letters to Santa Claus has been a Christmas tradition for children for many years. These letters normally contain wish lists of toys and assertions of good behaviour. Interestingly, some social scientists have found that boys and girls write different types of letters. Girls generally write more polite, longer (although they do not request more), and express more expressions of the nature of Christmas in their letters than in letters written by boys. Girls also request gifts for other people on a more frequent basis Many postal services allow children to send letters to Santa Claus pleading their good behavior and requesting gifts; postal workers or other volunteers may answer these letters. Canada Post has a special postal code for letters to Santa Claus: H0H 0H0, and since it started over 13,000 Canadian postal workers have volunteered to write responses. Sometimes children's charities answer letters in poorer communities or from children's hospitals in order to give them presents that they would not otherwise receive. And with that, I would like to wish you all a great holiday season and encourage the spirit of the holidays to fill your heart. I hope that my sharing this information concerning the very special individuals who started the rituals still used will stimulate your sense of responsibility and generosity enough for you to reach out and help those in need, especially the children without a home, clothes, or food. 'DAHL HOUSE…ONE DOLL’S POINT OF VIEW ' A Commentary by BarbieDahl I’m going to let you in on a little secret…TieDomi and I are going to take over the world. That’s right. We have big plans for world domination. We schemed to plot a plan to conspire a ploy. We have a secret hand shakes and code names. He shall be Brain…and I shall be Pinky. Now, listen up…I can’t let you in on all the secrets…but I can tell you this. No, actually…it’s best if I don’t mention that just yet. Oh, oh, oh…I can tell you…nah, I better not say anything about that either. Ok, I will say this much…Tie plans on recording a hypnotic message, but needs someway to broadcast it across the world. So with a drawl, he will become a country singer, and creates an instant hit (mostly because he uses the hypnotic message to make everyone go out and buy his record)… I am a lunatic, I escaped from my cage Never had a real job, never earned minimum wage. But you will respect me, YES! once my plan is unfurled. You will call me your leader, I'll be king of the world. My final thought…burlap chafes me so…NARF!!! 'LETTERS PAGE ' Editor Muggings: The Full Story There have been a lot of muggings in the city of Chicago. I have reports that Vinny and TheBank were going on suicidal muggings. I talk to Vinny and TheBank before they past. Vinny told me that the reason all these muggings were happening were because he had never been a Street Boss or anything higher than a Hoodlum and that he was tired of everyone telling him what to do. So he told me he was going for a very important person. So he chose CarmelaDeAngelis, the newspaper editor. TheBank told me when Vinny died that he was going after her. He mugged her and got away with 100,000 and told her she wouldn't get her money back without him being in an article. Later that day, He reported back to me to say that he was going to attempt to murder her if she didn't comply with what he said, But in the process of doing so he was found murdered in his house with 3 superficial wounds to the chest area. From: TheGun 02:43, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:43, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:43, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:43, February 15, 2013 (UTC) Slot Machine Greed? Well there are slots finally up for sale, but how about those prices? seems everyone who gets his greedy hands on something that earns him some cash, he just wants to sell it for billions to make even more. I think its a little weird how people were always complaining that LilRabbit owned them all, and that they wanted to buy them. But seeing as how they cost so much, how are you all going to buy them anyway? I think the concept of owning the slots was somewhat pointless in the first place, and that the Corporation itself should maybe just own them. From: Wayfearer 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. Horse For Sale: Smelly Problem sale price $1,500,000 Contact: Badboy_2 Want to supply a healthy lifestyle for your next of kin? well i have just the deal for you, I am providing a "Mafia Savings Account" to the main characters of the game, basically you put in certain amounts every time you come on, say 1000$. Over a period of time this builds up. I will then give you a password for when you want to draw it out, however if it is the same character taking it out who put it in there is a 20% charge for withdrawing from your account. There is no charge for the service if your next of kin wants his beloved daddy’s money. Mail me for more details.. El_Don_Diablo 'Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand and will be paid for. Normal articles will receive $5,000 and outstanding items will receive $10,000. '